Some people may be wondering, "What the heck are you doing up at 4:40 in the morning?" Let me tell you, when I am excited about something, there is no sleeping the night before. And if there is sleeping, it is rough sleep and I usually end up exhausted and exasperated. What happens is, I will attempt sleep, but then my mind will begin to race and then with everything I think of, I usually bring on a minor panic attack. So, it is usually best to avoid this.
So, I write. It releases a lot of the ajdshafkjasdfkjh-ness I feel. I can't really say what I will expect, or what is going to happen, and most of you won't find out until late Wednesday evening.
I feel like this may be bigger than I think, like this may be a turning point in my life. I bought a new journal today, much different from one I have ever owned. I always go for simplicity, a journal with paper in it is good enough for me. But, this one is fancy shmancy. It has an elastic band to hold it closed, a protective covering, spirals inside the covering, and a ribbon to help me keep my place. Some may think, "Why is this journal significant?" Prepare yourselves for the cock and bull I believe.
I feel like, at least to me, the journal you own and use says a lot about you and your character. First of all, this is a brand new journal. Crisp pages which have yet to be tainted with ink. There are yet to be words, complaints, ideas, thoughts. Raw emotions are yet to pour out on these pages. A blank canvas if you will, waiting for me to paint a picture of my life with words. So, to me, I feel like it is a new section of my life. I can't just start a journal with, So the other day I was thinking.... No, it must be of sincere importance. And how perfect is it that I obtain this new journal the day before I live for Washington, D.C. in attempts to stop an ongoing war in a country not my own.
So, it clicks to me, a theme for this journal, and maybe even a theme for my life. Why do I care about the war in Uganda? I don't live there. Because, I have a heart. Maybe this part of my life is learning what breaks my heart, and how to act on those things that break me so. All the time in the world of christianity, and maybe even outside of it, we are asked that cliche question, "What breaks your heart." And we pinpoint certain things that tear us down inside, that yank on those strings of your heart and make your eyes well up with just the thought of it. Teens who cut, suicide, alcoholics, The War on Terror, people who don't know God. Yeah, this is all great, and it breaks many people's hearts, but what do we do about it?
I am not saying that if something breaks your heart, you alone should organize some protest or event in the name of this cause. But, if something truly does break our heart, how can we just sit back and watch it happen? And you can tell me, "There are so many causes out there. What makes you think you can do anything about yours?" This logic is about the same as saying, "Why even bother? Sit back and let it happen." I cannot do that. My heart is breaking, therefore I want to stop mine and others hearts from continuing on like this.
So what? Maybe I am not big enough or important enough to do something, to fix something.
I have come down to this mindset for D.C. Will the bill pass? I honestly do not know. Is it worth the fight? Heck freaking yes.
Keep me in your prayers and thoughts as I lobby the congressmen of Ohio to do what is right.
And to say adios, below is a bumper sticker from Facebook that I received from my friend Sarah. Enjoy.
Peace, Love, and Chimichangas,
Candace
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