Jesus Paid It All.....

Sometimes it takes something huge, like maybe God breaking your heart, for everything to fall into place. And trust me, sometimes it is annoyingly frustrating, and we fall apart, and we get angry, and we want to give up.

Things are absurd in my life. I need to get used to craziness, though. So, God is still telling me I am supposed to go to Washington, D.C. I have 2 days to get some money, and no one wants to buy my futon. So, I am like wtf, mate? Of course, if it is really meant for me to go He will provide. So, I am holding on to any ounce of hope I have. I wish it was later on in the summer, because in July I am getting a $3000 refund check, so I could pay for it then. But for now, I am praying for something to work out. It gets tough, you know?


So, then the past 2 days were absolutely horrid. But last night completely made up for it. So, I just have felt out of it. Nothing seemed to make it okay, not even great nights in Findlay with some pretty sweet people and amazing Indian food. It just all felt so adjfdasfldsajf. And that may be weird, but I know most people know exactly the feeling I am trying to explain, so get over it. kthanks. :)

So, yesterday, my boyfriend and I broke up. Yes, it was not good. My heart was absolutely crushed, but things with us just weren't right, and both of us knew it. We had a hefty discussion about what it meant to really be christian, and in the end we realized we were two different people going two different ways. And that was it. The end of my first real relationship. The first guy I had ever fallen in love with had just vanished from my life, walked away with his backpack and his iPhone.

Ouch. I was crushed. I felt as though my entire life had just been stomped on. So, I was walking home, having left a cookout with FREE FOOD early. I couldn't deal with it. The entire walk home I held back the tears, for the most part. I ran into a friend, Andrew, and when he hugged me I kind of cried on his shoulder momentarily. So, here I was, alone. And I hear God say, "Open your eyes". WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO SEE HERE GOD?!?!?

I get home to a good friend, Beth, who just lets me cry on her couch even though she is as sick as a dog. By the way, I never really got that metaphor. What was it that made the dog sick? Did he eat something weird or are all dogs naturally sick like that? Ooops.... sidetracked, much? :P


I decide that I am going to go to a cool girls house, Angela. She has brownies, friends, and Wall-E. I head over and hang, still feeling so sakjddshfldskf. I leave, and get back to my apartment and get online and watch some rent. I send him a message, because I am so controlling and I need to feel like I've had the last word. An hour and a half later, there is a knock on my door. It is him. My heart begins to beat so fast, I am so scared. Here he is, the guy that has my heart in his hands, not quite like God does, but still scary. We sit on my bench, a bench that sits outside of the apartment complex, which I have grown to love. This bench holds so many memories that are so dear to me.


He tells me he hasn't been able to sleep, because he walked away from God. To shorten this up, because honestly it is an amazing story but it is soooo not my story to tell, Alex believed. For the first time he said the words, "Jesus came, died, and rose for me, because God loves me" and he believed it. I was so happy for him! We sat on the bench for some time singing random worships songs, and just laughing at how amazing God is! We rejoiced in our salvation and just loved God and let Him love us back. God was sitting right there at that picnic bench with us, smiling saying something along the lines of, "Awes."


The night was full of beauty and magic, and God had kissed the ground we walked on as if to compliment us in the decision we had made. God reached out His hand and covered us in Him and His love. I was giddy with joy and there was nothing bringing me down from the cloud I was, the cloud that seated my God on His thrown, the thrown that I choose to kneel at because of my love for my Father.



It has poured out into today. It was a frustrating day, because so many people are offering to buy my futon, but for cheaper than it is worth. I need that oney for D.C. God says, "I will provide." I am waiting patiently for the provision. I know that this is where I need Gods help.



So, while I am dealing with God, I just ask for prayers, and for God to provide. I know He will.


Peace, Love, and Chimichangas,
Candace