So, you know those deep holes that you have in your heart? The ones that randomly bring you to tears and make you weak at the knees and just feel....empty? I think we all do. How do we rid this hole I speak of? I wish I knew for sure, because if I did I am sure I could make millions off of the solution. It would be so easy to say that God will fill all of those holes, but what if He doesn't? What if in the mind of God, is best for you to be 'holey'. (You're totally allowed to giggle at that horrible pun.)

The holes in me make me do such horrid things. I am always in search of a filler. So, I do stuff to make me "happy". I drink, I smoke, I casually hook up with guys, I lie, I steal, I cheat, I sin. These holes inside of me are massive, ones that are there from many a things. My parents, my real father, my first love, the guy who raped me, friends who have stabbed me in the back. My heart is so full of holes. And here I am trying to fill them with, well, sand. It seeps right through the holes. They may feel filled for a few moments, but the moment ends and I am wishing for it to be filled again.

So, where do I find this filler?? For now, I find myself wishing, wishing, wishing....

What is love?

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now.

11:11 rolled around tonight, and I found myself wishing for something deeper than I ever have. I found myself wishing for something deeper than I ever have. I found myself wishing for a real love, true, compassionate, and as close to unconditional as it possibly can be. Someone then pointed out to me that I may not have the best idea of what love is.

I want to find out.