The year of insanity

If you were to look back at this past year, and see the things I have went through. You would wonder if maybe it was all from a movie or a book. You know how some people have nightmares about their college experience? Most of those nightmares came true for me. I don't really feel the need to go into detail, but the fact of the matter is, this year hasn't been the easiest. 

So, here I am ready to enter into my summer after freshman year. I am suffering with PTSD, or what some know as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I wasn't joking when I said this year has been intense. I had so many plans for this summer at the beginning of the year, like working at McDonald's, going camping with friends, going to Cedar Point for the first time. Then, God blew that all up and told me I was going to something called Leadership Training in Virginia Beach. I was so excited to get out of Ohio and be at the Beach and escape. I started support raising, and then things fell through. It finally hit me what exactly had happened this year, and where I was going this summer. In desperation, I prayed to God and asked Him to tell me where I was meant to be. I stumbled upon Psalm 23:2 (Oh, how I adore the book of Psalms.) "He makes me lie down in green pastures...."This was my sign that I was supposed to stay in Bowling Green. 

I was devastated. My heart was so set on getting the hell out of here. This was the place where some horrible things have happened, and if God was calling me to stay here, then I could no longer escape it. What the hell was I supposed to do here? How could God want me to stay here? Yes, I have an AMAZING community at church, but that was it. I didn't have any motivation for life, and I basically lost my zest. I still haven't found it.

Why am I writing this? Not so you can listen to me complain, if anyone even reads this. But, documentation is great. And, I will be honest, sometimes I don't know of my capability to write everyday. But, I am on the computer everyday. Blogging is perfect. I need some way to get stuff out, and really go through what is going on in my life. I have wanted to do a blog for sometime now, maybe even 2. One that is personal about my life and one that is motivational, for others to read. I really don't know yet. But, here I am, at the beginning. This is the beginning of the grieving process for me. It will be long, and dark, and hard. I will need all of the encouragement I can get, and especially all the prayer. 

This may get annoying, but this is really for me. Who knows, maybe someone will be interested in what I have to say about life? 

Until next time. 

Peace, love, and chimichangas. (That is my signature conclusion)

Candace