I am not really sure why life happens the way it does. All I know is that God randomly throws us a curveball, and we are expected to just pick our feet up and keep walking. Sometimes it can be honestly annoying. What is really expected of me? It is difficult to always be the strong one who just takes everything in stride, who can brush junk off and continue to live. Sometimes I wish I could let myself feel.
These past few weeks have had so many ups and downs, and I feel so drained. I am struggling to live, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was asked a question last night at Waffle House. My friends are odd and we have really deep conversations at random places. He asked, "What breaks your heart?"
Of course, my immediate response was that my heart broke for those who didn't feel welcomed in the church. Of course, this does really break my heart, but that was not a completely honest answer. What really breaks my heart? I have been reading Ezekiel 16 a lot lately, a chapter in the Old Testament about Jerusalem's Unfaithfulness. He uses the metaphor of a child growing up to be a beautiful woman. At birth, no one wanted her. They threw her into a field and planned on killing her, but he took her in and raised her as His own. He made her beautiful and gave her luxurious jewelry, and she used that to prostitute herself. She gave herself up to men, she commited idolatry, and she even sacrificed her children. Basically, the people were horrid. They deserved death, yo! Why didn't he just blast us away?!
It is because He so badly wanted a relationship with me. He knew that if He blasted those peeps away, He may never have had a relationship with me. And look at the way I treat Him some time. I have been reflecting big time on this, and I have a lot to evaluate.
On a much lighter and happier note, Alex and I's one month anniversary is Tuesday. :)
Peace, Love, and Chimichangas,
Candace
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