Meet me at the well.....

Leaving Bowling Green never really seemed like an option. I thought I had found the place I wanted to stay for possibly for the rest of my life. I’d found the perfect community, the perfect church, the perfect school. But, it all spiraled down the drain as God changed my plans. Or did I change them? Heck if I know….

So, here I am now. Leaving BG, maybe never to come back (except for visits of course), and it is harder than I thought it would be. There is the huge part of me that is so ready to just get the hell out of here, hit the road, and never even look back. But then, a part of me is crying to stay and never leave the people here. Packing is much more depressing than I ever expected, and I am leaving with deep fear in my heart. What am I afraid of? you may ask. Are you ready for this?

1) I am afraid that I will not get a summer job. My parents have made it clear that if I do not get a job, I cannot live at home. I was promised a job at Wal-Mart, but personnel is being super shady. So, I am trying to get a job at this mom and pop pizza shop at home. Praying, praying, praying. God, help me out here!
2) Nate. Nathan Charles is the guy I am currently, er, um, “talking” to, I suppose. We are getting to know each other with the intention on dating one day. Well, when is that one day? I don’t freaking know. I am scared to heck of commitment right now after what happened with my last prick of a boyfriend (excuse me blogging world for my bitter words). Also, I am afraid of history repeating itself. My last relationship, I put my whole self into it. I gave him pretty much everything. Which wasn’t good enough. Apparently it was sooo not good enough that he had to go and have sex with my so-called best friend. Yeah, it’s a hot mess. But, nonetheless, I fear being “strung along” again. I fear that nothing will come of this. Luckily, I haven’t let the ex ruin my faith. I am stronger than I’ve ever been. He’s not stopping me any time soon. ;)
3) Invisible Children! For those of you who don’t know, I am involved with this organization and suuuper passionate about it. I have applied to be a Roadie for the Fall of 2010. This means that for 3 months I will travel with IC and spread awareness about what the heck is going on in Africa. I won’t know for a bit whether I got it or not, and the pressure of not knowing is KILLING me! It’s just hanging over my head. I really do not know what I will do if I don’t get it. My heart will be so crushed. I’m so scared, and I just want to do some good in the world.
4) School. This is the best I’ve done in school (this past semester, that is) which is horrible. I need to improve my grades. I’m going to community college next, which I really hope I do not screw up. I am not the kind of person who fails classes, but I managed to fail not one but TWO this semester. Grrrooowwwl. I feel so stupid, sincerely. I’m not even going to say what my GPA is, but I will say that it IS above a 1.0 :/ Yeah, so I fail. Literally.
5) Dieting. Ok, I love my curves like no one else. I do not plan on whittling down to the size of a chopstick. But, I would like to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. So, this summer, I will be eating in moderation, exercising daily, and drinking lots of water. I fear that I will do the opposite- sit at home all the time eating constantly out of boredom and gain the 23 pounds I lost this semester. Blehhhh.
6) Last but not least, money! I need to save up for much. Three things I need most are a) a car b) a laptop and c) rent money. I will be living in an apartment next summer with a friend, and it’d be really nice to have some money put back from that. I have a couple hundred put back now, which is going towards my car.

Sooooooooooo much is on my mind. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.